A Match Journey - Unmatched
Written by Kerri Stafford, DO
Opening your email on Monday of Match Week to anything but the message “Congratulations, you have matched!” is a medical student’s worst nightmare – and it happened to me.
Throughout the application cycle, I felt pretty confident that I would match my dream specialty of anesthesiology. I checked off all the boxes of what most would consider a great applicant. I had a good quantity and quality of interviews and none of what people call “red flags.” Although I felt the usual angst and doubtfulness all applicants feel, I reassured myself that I would end up matching in an anesthesia program somewhere.
That Monday morning, my email read that I had only matched a preliminary year program. I instantly felt all of the emotions: disappointed, scared, ashamed, sad, and so much more. With no anesthesia SOAP spots available, I could have attempted to find a position in another advanced specialty, but I knew my heart wouldn’t be happy. This meant my only option to achieve my dream would be to reapply next cycle. Thinking of going through a second application cycle was extremely daunting.
Shortly after mourning the loss of what was supposed to be the highlight of my medical school career, I realized how lucky I was to have matched into a preliminary year at a program that would support me in reapplying. In hindsight, things could have been worse, and I’m grateful they weren’t.
Although I was ashamed to talk about it at first, I found that the more I shared my own experience, the more I heard of stories like mine. And these stories had a happy ending. They went on to match, some even at their top choices and became chief residents – they became extremely happy and successful physicians. I found myself uplifted and hopeful after these conversations.
As most un-matched or partially-matched applicants do, I asked for feedback about my application and why I didn’t match. I was essentially given the same answer from everyone; it wasn’t that I wasn’t a good enough applicant, but that every year, there are always competent applicants who don’t match due to there not being enough spots. This is the message that I want to pass on to anyone else who finds themselves in my shoes.
If anything comes from this, I want others to know that if you don’t match, it does not reflect you as an applicant or a future physician. Every year, some qualified individuals slip through the cracks. This was not something I was truly aware of until I was one of them, and I think bringing awareness to this point will help those in the future who end up in this position. Shedding light on this undiscussed and stigmatized subject will help others feel less of those emotions I felt, like shame and embarrassment. I hope that by sharing my story, I can help others feel less alone and maybe even give them some hope, and that’s invaluable to me. Many believe if you didn’t match, it’s because of a “red flag” on your application or for another reason. This is mostly not the case, and by sharing stories like mine, we can break the stigma around going un-matched.
Although my confidence in becoming an anesthesiologist definitely took a hit in March, I have rebuilt it with the support of those around me. My family, friends, and mentors have all been reassuring me that this is just a bump in the road, that I will be okay, and I will achieve my dreams. They’re right – and I want to put that out there for all other medical students undergoing this process. Not everyone’s paths are the same, and not all linear. No matter what happens, remember that the email you receive on that Monday morning does not define you, and continue to pursue your dreams.
