Managing Schedules as a Couple in Medicine
Written by Clarissa E. Jordan, MD
Having matched as an anatomic and clinical pathology resident in 2020, I’m really passionate about helping others and wanted to share what I learned, in the hopes that it might be useful. First a couple of disclaimers: these are my personal opinions and experiences and may not be representative of all residents, nor do they reflect the opinions of my employer. Additionally, I use heteronormative language in my examples because I’m talking about my own experiences, but wholeheartedly support all couples in the match regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity.
Given that I’m a pathology resident and my husband is an emergency medicine resident, we tend to operate on very different schedules (my hours tend to be during the weekdays, while his can be any day or any time). Residency is obviously a very busy time for us both, and with our conflicting work hours, it can be difficult to manage our schedules and still spend time together. Here are some tips that we’ve picked up over the last couple of years, which may be helpful for other couples in residency:
Logistics
Many third-party scheduling software programs (e.g. Shift Admin) have a setting that will generate a calendar that one can subscribe to with Outlook, Apple Calendar, etc. With that link, I can subscribe to my husband’s shifts, and see on my calendar when he’s at work and when he’s available for social events, etc.
We’ve also found it helpful to find ways to asynchronously communicate with each other. There’s obviously texting/messaging, but we’ve also found it helpful to create shared reminder lists (we use Apple’s default Reminders app) for things like our shopping list and to-dos around the house.
Try your best to schedule vacation time together; hopefully, your programs can be flexible and understanding about this. Personally, our experience with this has been very positive and we’ve been able to schedule vacations together, but speak with your program director if you’re having trouble. Getting to spend time with your significant other is of course extremely important to your wellness, and your program should be understanding and encouraging of that. Along similar lines, we try our best to not schedule difficult rotations together (e.g. ICU for him, transfusion medicine for me). It doesn’t always work, but we’ve found it helpful when one of us is on a lighter rotation and can take care of things around the house.
At Home
Having different sleep schedules is probably the most challenging part of us both being in residency. If your home allows, we’ve found it helpful to set up our bedroom so that it can be closed off to block out light (e.g. blackout curtains) and noise from the awake partner.
I also like to plan activities for when I know my husband will be asleep. For me, this is prime time to talk to long-distance friends on FaceTime, work on projects for work, or watch my shows.
Other
With social activities, I try my best to be inclusive of my husband even if he’s not able to be present. For example, if he has to miss dinner because of work, I try to bring back a meal or a dessert for him to eat when he gets home.
Because of our schedules, we’ve also had to find non-traditional times to connect. For example, when he’s on a string of evening shifts until 2AM, I tend to wake up early around 4AM so we can spend an hour or two together before I go to work. We’ve also met up at the hospital coffee shop to spend some time together in the evenings after my workday ends and before his shift starts.
It can be difficult to manage two very different and busy residency schedules, but hopefully, these tips have brought up some useful ideas for you and your partner to consider. Good luck!
