Parenting during Intern Year
Written by Clementine Young, MD
Entering residency with two young children is not an easy undertaking. Disclaimer, I identify as female and as my children’s mother, so I write from that perspective. All parents likely deal with similar things, although I believe female-identifying parents in medicine have a harder time than male-identifying parents. Here are a few things I’ve picked up along the way which have helped me stay afloat.
1. Family and peers may not fully understand what you are going through
At the end of a long day when all 10 days prior were also long days, you will likely be exhausted. However, as a parent, you will go home and still need to get dinner ready for your kids, give them a bath, and read them bedtime stories. And after that you will still need to read about the next day’s cases and answer some emails. It can be a bit isolating when your co-interns get together outside of work while you do a load of the kids’ laundry. Meanwhile, your non-medical partner or peers will likely have a hard time putting themselves in your shoes since residency is such a unique experience. Over time, you will prioritize what matters most to you and things will come into place.
2. Crazy things might happen while you are at work
“Bradley will not stop crying, he is holding his elbow, what do I do?” Residents spend 80 hours a week at work so it should come as no surprise that medical emergencies with the kids happen while we’re gone. Fear not, there are other doctors on your team who will gladly assist. If you’re going to be home soon, what work can you finish remotely once the issue is dealt with? Earlier in the day, who can hold your pager for a little bit so your partner can swing the kids by the hospital driveway for you to examine them? People understand you have other humans to take care of besides your patients. Most programs have a culture that will allow you to deal with family matters as needed. Be sure to ask about that during interviews.
3. Take all the help you can get
If a friend offers to take your kids off your hands for a few hours, say yes. If you can afford to pay someone to clean your house, hire someone. The hardest part of parenting during intern year so far has been that there simply aren’t enough hours in a day. With structured help, we now have a good routine going. Three times a week we have 2 hours of babysitting help so I can study after work. Every two weeks we have a house cleaner and a yard service. Fruits and vegetables get delivered to our front door every week. If we can afford it and it gives me back time to spend with my boys and my husband (or time to study), it is worth it.
What has helped me the most is having some peers who are also mothers in residency and in medicine in general. Being a parent in residency is not easy, but it is doable. To others who share their doctor-parent lives publicly, thank you for inspiring me every day.
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