Tips for Dating in Residency
Written by Puja Singh, MD
Finding time to do anything in residency is definitely a challenge, especially finding time to date. but like anything in life, you must make time for your other hobbies and priorities. Here are a few tips to make dating less of a “burden” during residency:
Be flexible. Flexibility is an important characteristic for any resident, any physician, and honestly anyone. Being a resident and a lifelong learner will require you to be flexible in so many ways in your professional life. Oftentimes we forget to implement that same flexibility into our personal lives. Whether it be with your friends, family, or significant other, remember to put yourself in their shoes and try to understand each scenario from their perspective, just as we have all learned to do with our patients. Be flexible about when, where, and how you go on dates, and spend time with your loved ones and your people. Whether it is someone you have been in a long-term relationship with, or someone you are just getting to know, you are both entitled to your feelings, wants, and desires.
Be patient. All things take time. Be patient with yourself, and with new surroundings as you begin residency. Be patient with your partner. Be patient and grow with each other. Something I try to do as part of a relationship with a current resident is that I look at both of our schedules to try and plan out and carve out times both of us can spend time together, even if its a quick walk, coffee, dinner, or watching a quick show. Also adapting to your partner’s schedule and time constraints is super important and being open to trying out new ways to spend that time with one another.
Know yourself. I think one of the most important things about learning to become a doctor is knowing yourself first- your strengths, limitations, as well as your wants and needs. This is important in any relationship. You cannot take care of someone else and be understanding of someone’s needs unless you know yours first. Take some time, think about this for a little and maybe make a list of things that are important to you, ways you reset your mind, things that are your priorities, etc.
Communicate. Communication is key in any relationship as well. Being able to effectively portray your thoughts and feelings is of utmost importance in an established relationship and also a developing one. Be concise and clear. To communicate that well, however, you must know yourself well! (aka tip #3!)
There is more to life than just residency. Residency is hard, everyone knows it. It is long hours, hard work, and traumatizing in many ways- emotionally and mentally. There will be days you will not want to go anywhere or see anyone. However, don’t let that be the excuse every single time. Push yourself to a healthy level to enjoy, explore, meet new people, or spend time and grow in your pre-existing relationship. Put the people that are important to you first and put the things that are important to you first. You are more than just a resident. You are so much more!
