Couples Match Tips and Tricks
Written by Katherine (Kate) L. Harriel, MD (Boston Combined Residency Program in Pediatrics - BCRP) and David N. Bernstein, MD, MBA, MEI (Harvard Combined Orthopaedic Residency Program - HCORP)
Two years ago, we had the exciting, yet often stressful, experience of couples matching. We’re fortunate that it worked out for us, and we certainly appreciate that without the guidance and support of mentors, family, and friends, we would not be where we are today. Thus, we feel it is our turn to try to “give back” to medical students entering the couples match journey with their partner.
Before we dive into the “tips & tricks”, we want to be clear that our thoughts are based on our own shared experience. There are no hard data to support these insights. The views and suggestions in this piece are our own.
Now, onto the blog post…!
Congratulations on nearing the end of one chapter of your training (i.e., medical school) and racing towards the beginning of another (i.e., residency)! You and your partner have worked hard (very, very hard!) to get to this point, and now it is time to put yourselves in the best position possible for success. In our mind, couples match challenges and considerations can be split into four broad categories: 1) personal preferences; 2) professional preferences; 3) interview and communication recommendations; and 4) mentorship support and guidance. Each challenge and consideration are closely intertwined with the others, but if you and your partner think about couples matching in this way, we believe you will have the most success and the risk of “surprises” - good or bad - will be limited.
Personal Preferences
Each of you have worked remarkably hard to put yourself in a position to continue your medical training, but it is also time to step back and consider what you want outside of the hospital as well. Perhaps you and your partner ventured away from your family for undergraduate studies or medical school and now want to be near one or the other’s family. Or perhaps you and your partner want to check out a new part of the country. Or maybe both of you want to live in a city, by a beach, or near the mountains. Stepping back and thinking - possibly for the first time - what you and your partner want personally from a “life perspective” in this stressful journey is crucial to well-being, and now is the time to do it!
Additionally, the unfortunate reality is that the couples match can not only be stressful professionally but personally as well, and you can “mix and match” programs that may not place you and your partner exactly at the same institution, in the same city, or even within the same state. Therefore, it is important - up front - to have a realistic conversation about what are acceptable program combinations. How far is “OK” to live from one another? Does it need to be easily accessible by car? Direct flights only? Same time zone? Are we even “OK” being separate for our residency training?
Ultimately, we hope this element of stress in the process never enters the realm of possibility. However, it may, and such a conversation is a tough but necessary “must” to have at the beginning of the process to alleviate unexpected disagreements during an already nerve-wracking timeframe. Importantly, and we cannot stress this enough, there are no “right answers”! Each couple has their own preferences.
Professional Preferences
In addition to personal goals, professional ambitions for both you and your partner should play a central role throughout the couples matching process. At this point in your educational journey, each of you have worked too hard to not consider the important (and common interview) question: where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?
Again, having a frank conversation prior to the couples matching endeavor is of value. Do both of you want highly academic programs? Community programs? A mix? How big of a program is ideal for you? Are certain pathways (e.g., medical education) available? What extracurricular support do residents at a given program receive for research, community service, or other opportunities? These are some, but certainly not all, of the questions to consider.
Remember, residency is just one step on the path to become an attending physician, and the hope is that it prepares you for your “dream job” one day. Thus, once it is clear what each of you desires in a residency program to get you to that “dream job”, begin to explore possible combinations of programs that satisfy your personal preferences, as well as these professional preferences. As interview invitations are sent out, continually assess where programs fit for both you and your partner within your personal and professional goals, looking to optimize the outcome for both of you!
Interview and Communication Recommendations
One area of the couples match that we are frequently asked about is whether or not to let residency programs know that you and your partner are couples matching. Our answer: 100%! However, we do think there is a strategic way of doing so depending on the situation that presents itself.
First, your ERAS application will highlight the fact that you are couples matching. Thus, many program directors and/or interviewers will be aware of your plan to couples match. As such, the topic may come up naturally via email exchange or on interview day. Be proud of your partner and highlight their exceptional qualities concisely. While this is still an interview about you, program directors and interviewers are still human and want to support students and learn about what’s most important to you! Further, within an institution, faculty from your program and your partner’s program may talk with each other, so it is important to keep this in mind.
Another situation is that those involved in your interview day are unaware of your plan to couples match. While this may be disheartening (you did, of course, include it on your ERAS application!), we feel it is still important to bring up your plan to couples match and use it as a talking point. In many cases, the fact you are couples matching can naturally come up in response to questions, such as: “tell me about yourself”. If it doesn’t come up naturally early on in the conversation, fitting it in casually as part of your answers to the “any other questions?” or “what else should we know about you?” inquiries at the end of the encounter may be the best spot. Not only is couples matching a characteristic that may make you rememberable, it may also lead to those on selection committees to dig deeper into your application.
Mentorship Support and Guidance
Mentorship support and guidance may be one of the “secret ingredients” in the match, whether you are couples matching or not. Mentors are endlessly supportive but blunt and realistic. They are with you through the good and bad times, always lending a listening ear when you need it most.
As you and your partner begin the journey towards a successful couples match, stay in frequent touch with mentors. Mentors can help you sort out what locations and programs will help you and your partner reach your personal and professional goals. Further, they can provide more in-depth recommendations on the interview process. Lastly, maybe they know someone at the program you hope to train at and can reach out on your behalf. You never know until you ask!
Final Thoughts
Take a deep breath! Couples matching may be stressful, but it is also an incredibly exciting time. There will be ups and downs but both you and your partner can do this! We hope this piece helps both of you on your journey, and best of luck!
