Involving Your Partner in the Match
Written by Alyka Glor Fernandez, DO
My husband, Spencer, has been with me through every step of the way of my medical journey: from rejections and acceptance to medical school and matching for residency. From the beginning, approaching our future from the mindset of a partnership was key.
Unless we lay it all out, there’s just no way for non-medicine partners (or even friends and family, for that matter) to know exactly what is ahead of us.
So to get started, my partner and I made a list of all the aspects of residency that would be important to us and ranked these in order of importance. Of course, the location of the program itself is always key, but we also talked about the number of clinical sites and the commute time between them, amount and length of shifts, health benefits, etc. Knowing these nitty-gritty details helped Spencer understand that every program has its unique characteristics that needed to be taken into account.
During the interview season, we would debrief after every pre-interview social and interview session to get my thoughts on the program. While I attended these events, he spent time researching the city, calculating the cost of living, and looking up housing options on Zillow. He even had his own tab in my spreadsheet with his notes! This was my favorite part after every interview; it was a relief that he was excited about the new adventures we could have living in this new city.
Another way that a non-medicine partner could get involved would be to attend the pre-interview socials with you. I’ve seen several applicants attend these sessions with their partners, and they can get to know who they might potentially become friends with too!
When it was time to decide which programs to apply to, we sat down together to discuss what I wanted out of my training program, then picked out regions of the United States that we would both be comfortable living in. With both of our families in Florida, we prioritized looking at programs that were within driving distance or at least a short airplane ride away. At the time, during the pandemic, Spencer worked from home, but we didn’t know if his company would allow him to work out of state. Thus, we had to consider what job opportunities would be available to him and how that could affect his happiness. Even though receiving high-quality training at a program that is a good fit for me was our utmost priority, his career needed to be a part of the conversation too. It’s tempting to be selfish about a goal we’ve worked our entire lives for, but this can only breed bitterness.
Spencer decided that finalizing my rank list would be my sole decision. He had given me his thoughts on every program and city, but at the end of the day, it would be my medical training. Thankfully, he was very happy with my final list.
The wait between the rank list deadline and the Monday before Match Day was painful. I was sorely afraid I wouldn’t match. (Of course, he didn’t doubt me, but my anxiety calls for extensive preparation.) We had a plan in place. We both took the entire Match Week off from clerkships and work. If there was any chance I would have to SOAP or scramble, he wanted to be ready to help. We watched every video and read every blog post about how to SOAP and scramble. For us, preparing for the uncertainty with Plan A-Z was most comforting.
Preparing for the Match is anxiety-inducing for applicants, and equally so for our non-medicine partners. I made sure my partner was involved in every step of the application process to help ease his uncertainty, but more importantly, because this is all for the life we created together.
